It’s that time of year again… prom season! Prom has become one of the longest awaited nights, and one of the most stressed over as well, throughout everyone’s high school career. There are ever so many elements that go into making the night as magical as the movies make it appear, and the amount of preparation that goes into every last detail is unparalleled to any other evening. The amount of money spent, the few (okay, many) tears shed, and the plethora of pictures taken, are just a fraction of the numbers that go into the sum total that equals prom.
Although the night is a break from the trials and tribulations of the classroom, prom can be broken down into a simple, mathematical equation 1-10; it’s up to you to decide whether or not the positives outweigh the negatives in this figure.
1 Dress- The dress is the one singular piece that can make or break you. Entering enormous warehouses of mass-produced gowns covered in tulle and sparkles can certainly be overwhelming, especially when you are trying to please your mom, your little sister, your grandmother, and your friends. Your likes and dislikes can sometimes get lost as you try to make your family happy, while not offending the sales associate who picked the brightest, feather-covered dress in the store. After hours of looking in the mirror and taking pictures at various flattering angles, the fateful commitment to the Facebook group begins, as you mark your claim on the dress and inhibit others from buying the same one. You can finally skip out happily with your purchase, while your mom is now the one breaking a sweat… over the price tag.
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2 flowers and shoes- The hardest part of the celebratory flowers worn at the event is simply spelling them; who ever thought that boutonnière and corsage would have been the best picks for high school students? Simply pick the two with your date that correspond correctly to your dress color, and his bowtie, and you are good to go! The pair of shoes that you pick, however, is a bit more complicated. The shoes must be comfortable enough to trek around front yards for the perfect, naturally lighted photos, unique enough that someone else does not accidentally snatch them once you take them off at the dance, neutral enough that they don’t take away from your dress, and high enough that they elongate your legs without making you tower over your date.
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3 pieces of jewelry- A simple necklace and pair of earrings is the perfect way to top off a more basic strapless dress; it’s always hard to achieve that certain level of sophistication without looking overdone!
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4(0) dollars for a party bus ticket- Yes, for some reason, the average cost per ticket for a bus with a few lights and a broken aux chord is about 40 dollars, so cough up the cash.
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5 warnings regarding spray tanning facilities- Getting the perfect spray tan takes some major trial and error, and a bit of extensive research. The choice in venue is key, as you want to come out looking like a golden, glowing Californian, not an over-seasoned nacho cheese flavored Dorito. Although the process can be nerve-wracking, the florescent orange glows of others haunting you, it is worth the risk.
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6 reminders to rent a tuxedo- Needless to say, girls put far more time and effort into thinking through every minute aspect of the night months in ahead, whilst the guys need a bit of prompting a few nights before to even try on the basic tux needed to enter the dance.
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7(5) dollars for a ticket- The reality of a 75 dollar entrance fee is often forgotten about amongst all of the excitement of preparation. This necessity often opens up awkward conversations between dates, as girls hope the guy will pay for them, and the guys hope that the girl will take the initiative and pay for herself. But, it is key if you want to be able to experience all that you have dedicated so much time and effort into.
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8(0) dollars for hair- Although some salons jack up their prices for prom hairstyles, the average price for a hair appointment is about 80 dollars. But, there are about 8,000 different styles to chose from based on the style of the dress; fortunately, they can be easily broken down into three different categories: updo, down, and half-up/ half-down.
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9 different versions of one picture- The amount of pictures that are taken on the night of prom are astronomically higher than even the number of insults Trump has spewed over the course of his campaign. There are of course, the typical hands-on-waist-in-front-of-a-fireplace photos taken for Instagram. But, self-proclaimed “artsy” photos documenting the struggles of putting on the boutonnière are reserved for VSCO, while group photos of all of the girls laughing together in a line are perfect Twitter headers. Regardless of its designated social media destination, all must have impeccable lighting, the right angling, and the right posture.
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10 fingers and toes painted- Nails must, of course, also be done professionally. Whether French, acrylic, gel, or shellac is your pick is up to you, but any nail-biters beware; you will be verbally accosted about the length, or lack thereof, of your nails.
= PROM!
For many, myself included, who constantly ask what the practical use of math is… here is your answer; following the evening, it’s up to you to see whether or not this answer was worth it.